Late Night Joke Dump: January 6, 2012
This week's jokes: Improving
The best political jokes, propaganda and political/social commentary is almost always late at night. Here’s some of the best from the past few weeks.
THE WEEK IN JOKES
December 29, 2011-January 4, 2012
Number of Jokes: 14
Yuk-o-Meter: 5.50
Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull.
–Conan
Experts say traffic deaths are down because the bad economy means more cars are being repossessed, and all the unemployment means we don’t have as many people driving to work. So you know what that means? The White House economic plan is also their highway safety plan.
–Jay Leno
The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, “Operation Regret This In Five Years.”
–Jimmy Fallon
Rick Santorum’s campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here’s the embarrassing part: It was delivered by Herman Cain.
–Jay Leno
If I make a resolution, I’m not going to do it. I don’t like anyone telling me what to do. Even if it’s me telling me what to do. So I end up breaking resolutions because I like to rebel against myself.
–Craig Ferguson
It turns out the suspect in the arson fires is a German man who is upset about his mother’s immigration status. Apparently his mom didn’t know you could just walk over from Mexico.
–Jay Leno
There’s a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant.
–Conan
More Americans bought Christmas gifts online this year than ever before, which means more Americans are returning gifts online than ever before.
–Jimmy Kimmel
Mitt Romney won the Iowa caucuses by defeating Rick Santorum by only eight votes. That’s a record. To give you an idea of how close that is, if all of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives voted for Santorum, he would have won by 15.
–Conan
There’s already controversy with the Iowa caucuses. About a half hour ago, they found eight more votes for Al Gore.
–David Letterman
Last night, Rick Perry said was quitting the race. But then this morning, he said he’s staying in. Hmm. Going back on his word? Maybe he’d make a good president after all.
–Craig Ferguson
France apparently passed a new law that makes it harder to become a French citizen. Most people just get lazy and give up. At which point they’re named a French citizen.
–Jimmy Fallon
ALSO @ DBKP:
* Late Night Joke Dump: December 30, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: December 23, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: December 16, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: December 13, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: November 25, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: November 18, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: November 16, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: November 14, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: October 14, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: October 7, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: September 30, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: September 23, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: September 16, 2011
* Late Night Joke Dump: September 9, 2011
They say the Iowa caucuses are very important because they are predictors of the Academy Awards.
–David Letterman
The History Channel is planning a new 12-hour miniseries about the evolution of humans. And this is convenient. If you missed the episode on Neanderthals, you can just watch the season premiere of “Jersey Shore” this Thursday at 10:00 p.m.
–Jimmy Fallon
by Mondo
image: DBKP file
Source: Newsmax. To see all of the week’s late night jokes–even the ones we didn’t pick, click the link!
Mondo Frazier is the author of The Secret Life of Barack Hussein Obama, recently released by Threshold Editions, a division of Simon & Schuster.
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