Late Night Joke Dump: January 27, 2012

This week's jokes: Quality not Quantity

The best political jokes, propaganda and political/social commentary is almost always late at night. Here’s some of the best from the past week.

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama’s economic adviser.
–Jay Leno

President Obama aired his first campaign ad of 2012, which promotes his record on clean energy. Obama’s a big environmentalist. In fact, for the election he plans to recycle the same promises he made four years ago.
–Jimmy Fallon

During a debate, Mitt Romney said he grew up in the real streets of America. Yes, the real streets, where people pull up next to you and ask if you have any Grey Poupon.
–Jimmy Kimmel

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she’s keeping her lips sealed — because that’s how the last surgeon left them.
–Conan

President Obama spent last night in Las Vegas. This morning he woke up on his hotel room floor trying to figure out what to do about a tiger, baby and 9 percent unemployment.
–Conan

Rick Perry has dropped out of the presidential race. Apparently, America did not want a conservative, gun happy, intellectually challenged governor of Texas for president. At least not again.
–Jay Leno

During a search of a Guantanamo Bay prison cell, guards found a copy of al-Qaida’s magazine. The lead article was “10 Ways to Find Out If Your Man’s an Infidel.”
–Conan

It was another beautiful day here in Hollywood. It was warm enough to wear a T-shirt, but just cool enough for the homeless not to smell.
–Jimmy Kimmel

More details are coming out about the Italian cruise ship disaster. It seems the chef on board the ship says the captain ordered dinner after the crash. And here’s the worst part — he ordered it to go.
–Jay Leno

There’s a State of the Union drinking game. Let me just say this, if you really are playing the State of the Union drinking game, you’re probably an alcoholic.
–Jimmy Kimmel

According to new polls that just came out, Mitt Romney does very well with Republican voters who make more than $200,000. Or as Romney calls them, “trailer trash.”
–Conan

There was another Republican debate in Florida tonight. What is left to know about these candidates? Is someone going to confess to a murder?
–Jimmy Kimmel

A McDonald’s restaurant had a rat hopping around on the hamburger buns. They were quick to apologize. They said the rat was supposed to be in the fries.
–David Letterman

Here in California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said, “Because sober people don’t buy Michael Buble CDs.”
–Conan

Nick Nolte was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. It’s his first major nomination since 2002, when he was nominated for Most Maniacal Mug Shot.
–Jimmy Kimmel

by Mondo
image: DBKP file
Source: Newsmax. To see all of the week’s late night jokes–even the ones we didn’t pick, click the link!

Mondo Frazier is the author of The Secret Life of Barack Hussein Obama, recently released by Threshold Editions, a division of Simon & Schuster.

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