Real Housewives of Orange County: Tamra’s Dinner Party and the Scheme to Humiliate Gretchen
It’s season four of the Real Housewives of Orange County and tonight’s episode featuring Tamra Barney’s dinner party was clearly disturbing, in more ways than one. I have no tar and feathers at my disposal, but hopefully my laptop “pen” will suffice.
First up, new Housewife Lynne’s oldest daughter Raquel at a bowling alley. The just turned 18-yr-old admitted on camera that she and her girlfriends were drunk. Lynne and husband Frank had just given their daughter a pretty little silver BMW for her birthday. Raquel had yet to secure a driver’s license. The episode showed Lynne having a “talk” with Raquel about drinking.
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On-camera Raquel doesn’t feel the need to hide the fact that she drinks and that she “enjoys” drinking entirely too much. Eighteen is considered by some to be underage, yet 18-yr-olds marry, hold jobs, and go into military service while the government continues to label them as minors. So on one hand, they can fight a war and die for our country but are not allowed to drink or purchase alcohol. Even so, Raquel fits the criteria of drinking “irresponsibly” plus the curious fact that she feels she can hide her drinking from her parents while “spilling the beans” to the millions of “Housewives” viewers.
It was the big night of Tamra’s dinner party. Cameras followed Tamra while she took a short course on etiquette from a woman whom Tamra said acted as if she, the etiquette lady, had a “stick up her ass”. Tamra hired one of Bravo’s “top chef’s”, Brian Malarkey, for the dinner. Brian met with Tamra and Simon to plan the cuisine.
Lynne and Frank had a “rare” evening dining out without their two daughters. The two were cute as Frank bemoaned the fact that they didn’t get that much time alone together. They made a pact to “go away” for a short while.
Tamra invited Vicki and hubbie Donn, Gretchen, Jeanna, Lynne and hubby Frank, and Tamra’s 22-yr-old son Ryan, who also served as assistant bartender to the dinner party hosted by her and Simon.
Tamra’s in a jungle animal print phase as she wore the same type of dress to both the etiquette lady’s home and to the dinner party.
Gretchen wore a stunning rose halter dress. Earlier in the show Gretchen was seen taking a yoga class to try to escape some of the stress of dealing with fiance Jeff’s struggle with terminal cancer.
Gretchen was “low” as Jeff, who had been in ICU for some time, admitted to Gretchen that he no longer had the will to live. Jeff’s three kids packed up to return home. You have to give someone credit for raising good kids as all three were genuinely concerned for their father and also seemed extremely fond of Gretchen without feeling the need to swipe alcohol from their dad’s liquor cabinet.
At Tamra and Simon’s home the scene was set for Gretchen’s “compromise”. Tamra had set a lovely table on the patio, hired a top chef and bartender, and took etiquette lessons. The theme was tequila as Simon was involved in some sort of tequila promotion. The theme may have been tequila but the goal was to “set up” Gretchen, with tequila as the part of Tamra’s arsenal.
After watching the dinner party, part two is to be continued next week, I came away with feelings of being vaguely disturbed over what had occurred.
First up, off-camera Vicki stated that Lynne was always “high” on drugs. It wasn’t an implication but an actual statement which takes gossip mongering to a whole new level.
Tamra, with son Ryan acting as a bartender assistant, put into a motion a plan to “compromise” Gretchen by way of plying her with alcohol. Gretchen was seen downing tequila shots, mixed drinks, and wine, courtesy of Tamra and her son. At one point, Tamra whispered to Vicki that she planned to get Gretchen not just “wasted” but “naked wasted”. Tamra is seen being amused by her antics, winking at Vicki as Gretchen gets boisterous and flirty while more and more alcoholic drinks appeared in front of her at the table courtesy of Ryan.
Earlier on the show Gretchen was “down” about fiance Jeff and his eight month long bout with terminal cancer. It’s clear that Gretchen attended Tamra’s party to have a few moments of relaxed fun. What Gretchen had no way of knowing is that underneath the guise of Tamra’s friendship, Tamra would perform an act of treachery more in line with the sadistic Marquis de Sade than a botoxed middle aged Orange County Housewife with low self-esteem.
What amazed me was the fact that Tamra portrayed herself as having a “bit of fun” at Gretchen’s expense, while “exposing another side of Gretchen”. To whom was Tamra bent on “exposing” Gretchen? Was it the guests at the dinner party or was it to the millions who watch Real Housewives? And who was ultimately “exposed” at Tamra’s party? It wasn’t Gretchen because she was victimized by Tamra from the moment she walked in.
I wondered, was Tamra’s plan “payback” for when Gretchen took Tamra to task over her “Bass Lake” comment? Or was it because Tamra wanted to “compromise” the young woman whom she perceived as her rival for the “hottest housewife”? Whatever her motive, it was like watching a slow train wreck as the evening progressed, with Ryan plying more drinks on Gretchen while Tamra and Vicki watched with “ghoulish” delight.
Lynne, unaware of Tamra’s scheme, was concerned as Gretchen was now obviously drunk. When the party ended Ryan was actively chasing Gretchen. Lynne and Frank offered to take Gretchen home but Tamra, the ever so solicitous hostess, told Lynne Gretchen would be staying the night.
This episode was disturbing on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin. There’s issues of friendship, trust, compromise, gossip, victimization, conspiracy, and the law.
First up, the law pertaining to plying dinner guests with drinks.
In this case Tamra admitted on camera that her goal was to get Gretchen drunk or “wasted”. And not just any “wasted” but “naked wasted”. I assume this meant getting someone more than just drunk but “blind” drunk, so intoxicated they wouldn’t be fully cognizant of their behavior. This reminded me of sickos who drop date rape drugs into women’s cocktails. While using a date rape drug is truly heinous and illegal, Tamra’s intent was still the same: to render her victim, Gretchen, into a state of being compromised for malignant purposes.
Motives aside, Tamra knowingly and willingly conspired with Ryan, and later Vicki, to get Gretchen intoxicated. Under the law, unless Gretchen were to become ill and hospitalized or get into an alcohol related accident if she drove home, then Tamra is of the hook, legal-wise. If Gretchen had driven home and gotten into an accident, Tamra and Simon, as the dinner hosts, could be held liable for damages. Even so, Tamra and her son Ryan’s actions were both unethical and immoral. It was never clear as to whether Simon, Jeana, or Donn were cognizant of Tamra’s scheme.
Vicki’s actions were only slightly less unethical, when informed of Tamra’s plan, Vicki remained silent. At no point did Vicki try to put a stop to Tamra and Ryan supplying mass quantities of alcohol to Gretchen. This made Vicki a co-conspirator: she may not have assaulted the victim, Gretchen, but she made no attempt to stop it. Instead she commented on Gretchen’s “behavior”, behavior which stemmed from being secretly plied with alcohol with the intent to get her drunk.
At no point did Tamra nor Vicki’s tiny subconscious form the serious question of whether compromising a young woman, whose fiance was struggling from terminal cancer and was ensconced in a local hospital ICU, was the wrong thing to do. The very same young woman whom Tamra had offered her friendship. The very same “friendship” that led Gretchen to trust Tamra.
At no point during the evening did the thought cross Tamra’s mind, that treating one’s dinner guest to secretly getting them drunk for entertainment and public humiliation, was perhaps not what Miss Manners intended, etiquette-wise.
At no point did Tamra realize that by enjoining her son in “compromising” Gretchen, she had painted herself as the very thing she has constantly whined about, not being a “good” mother to her son.
At no point did Tamra comprehend that she had “outed” her son as more than just a “slacker” but as a sick opportunist willing to hit on a woman whom he had engaged in secretly getting drunk.
Tamra keeping Gretchen in her home after the party was yet another instance of Tamra’s cruelty: Gretchen, highly intoxicated, was now easy prey to Ryan.
It’s obvious that Tamra hoped that Gretchen would “degrade” herself by flirting with Ryan. If Gretchen were to sleep with Ryan, Tamra believed she would have “proof” of Gretchen’s lack of morals, a further victimization of Gretchen.
Tamra and Vicki are unable to comprehend that you cannot gossip about someone if you were the one who intentionally set that person up. Tamra and Ryan’s behavior, as well as Vicki’s silence on the matter was outrageous. While Tamra sought to “out” the “other side” of Gretchen, it was Tamra, and along with Ryan and Vicki, who “outed” the themselves as cads and villains to the millions who watch Real Housewives.
Only slightly less disturbing was the behavior of Jeanna, Simon, and Donn. While Lynne and Frank were clearly worried about Gretchen, the others chose to also remain silent when it was clear Gretchen had too much to drink yet Ryan keep placing more drinks in front of her. At one point, the woozy Gretchen wondered why she had more drinks at the table than anyone else.
UPDATE: Several viewers have pointed out that Jeanna was concerned about Gretchen, at one point Jeanna switched out the drinks with water and then encouraged Gretchen to drink them. I’m also agree that Jeanna wasn’t aware of Tamra and Ryan’s scheme and that at this juncture the only other “participant” was Vicki, who stayed silent after Tamra informed her of her plan to get Gretchen, “naked wasted”.
In past OC reviews, I’ve been fairly “hard” on Tamra and Vicki, citing their lack of self-esteem, gossiping, and need to control. I’ve even debated as to whether the producers of Housewives had intentionally edited episodes leaving out the scenes which would show a “kinder” side to the two women. This episode showed a side to the two that went far beyond mere “bitchiness”, transcending into cruel and sadistic behavior.
This is first time I’ve witnessed such behavior on Real Housewives of OC. It was cruel and disturbing. Hopefully Gretchen realizes that she was victimized by Tamra, Ryan, and Vicki, and that if anyone were to use this as gossip is perpetuating falsehoods based upon a sick plan concocted by Tamra.
What’s truly disgusting is that at a time when Gretchen is caught up in the very real struggle of her fiance’s bout with terminal cancer, her so-called friends devised a scheme to publicly humiliate her. Yet Gretchen, who isn’t malicious like Tamra, will most likely weather this incident with style and panache.
Still, it’s a shame that a good tar and feathering has gone out of style.
Previous reviews of Real Housewives:
Real Housewives of Orange County: The Tale of the Two Nags at Del Mar Race Track
Real Housewives of Orange County: Gretchen’s Tragedy and Glass Houses
Real Housewives of Orange County: Lauri Bids Goodbye and the Mystery of Quinn
Real Housewives of Orange County Spinoff: Date My Ex: Jo and Slade
Real Housewives: Jeanna’s Husband, 6 Months in Jailhouse
Real Housewives of Orange County: The Mysterious Lou
By LBG
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Tamra reveals just how sadistic and manipulative she is when she makes one of the lamest grand toasts ever saying, “you’re all family” and tries to keep from getting all choked up so she quickly shuts her mouth to go scheme an evil plot with mentally-ill and unstable Vicki. Both these girls are so made up and disgusting looking, you wonder how on God’s green earth the Bravo producers, would approach them to be on tv (maybe they got hold of their medical records and thought delusional, insecure people will make for good tv…and it does, I admit). Their boobs look like warped water balloons and I’m not going to go any lower because there legs make me want to throw up in my mouth. I’m sorry girls, botox can’t fix telephone poles for legs.. Neither can it give you decency and morals. So anyway, my point being is the hypocrisy shown by Tamra calling everyone family and then a few seconds later calculating a dirty scheme that epitomizes Tamra’s true character and reveals more about her than Gretchen. This blog made a good point about Tamra actually fulfilling that role as a failed mother she has whined about on past shows as being the root of all ryan’s problems…I’m not capitalizing that pathetic kid’s name because he’s every bit of a nobody. Tamra condoning her devilish son’s behavior is proof that she did fail as a mother. ryan even looks like a devil and any girl would indeed, have to be wasted out of their mind to even think about touching that pathetic little boy. Well I guess he’s not a little boy, that was kinda mean of me, I mean he doesn’t really look like a little boy with that hair receding and falling out on top of that 45 year old looking face. There is no way anything happened unless ryan rapes her while she’s passed out but we will find out for sure next week. Gretchen has learned a valuable lesson I’m hoping.
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I completely agree that Vicki and Tamra are abhorrent on so many levels, but your continual use of the phrase “plying her with alcohol” bugs me. Gretchen’s an adult, she chose to drink too much. I used to do that a lot and I never blamed anyone pouring the drinks. Btw funny how Vicki decided to remain sober, she’s usually the ridiculous drunk. It definitely smacks of an sinister plan, but I can’t look at Gretchen as the innocent victim. It’s not like she trusted her heart and soul to Tamra, especially after the girls night out. And when she tells Ryan how he “completely turns her on”, but they shouldn’t make out because “she’s engaged to a really nice man”…just said a lot. I definitely like Gretchen’s personality more than the “ghoulish” as you say Vicki and Tamra (please take them off the show, it’s not funny haha anymore!!) but let’s be a tad more realistic here, shall we?
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to mcsquared.
IF you don’t understand that Gretchen was a victim than I question your values.
It is the responsibility (legal) of the hosts to monitor the behavior of the guests.
We have had several arrests in the town where I live when parents or guests have allowed their drunk guests to leave their house drunk.
We have cops sitting outside houses where they know parties are going on and afraid someone will get behind the wheel while drunk or someone underage got drunk at the home where adults were present.
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Once again, this was an adult. If this were one of the kids I would be up in arms. She was not let out of the house to drive home anyway. Question my values if you will, I’m really quite conservative.
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john Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 16:42
Lynne and her husband offered to drive Gretchen home and Tamara insisted on her staying at her house for the nigh
Please !!!!
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Much like Jerod said, Ryan’s outer and inner appearance are very wretched. Deservingly, his hairline has been receeding further nearly every show that he’s on and his face retains a very sinister and ugly demonic feature. Inside, he was part of a scheme which I would categorize as a failed attempt to date rape Gretchen on camera. I’m not saying that Gretchen’s drinking that night should go unpunishable for consequence. But as a nation we have to look at the law of what Date Rape actually is and truly comprehend its definition in these scenarios: “Dr. Andrea Parrot of Cornell’s Department of Human Service Studies writes, “Any sexual intercourse without mutual desire is a form of rape.”
As a forward rebuttal to anyone thinking of posting a comment blaming Gretchen for drowning her sorrows in drinks that night at a party with people who she knew were not the closest of her friends, please read the following quote: “Many people may believe that a woman under the influence of alcohol is somehow more responsible for her behavior than a drunken man is for the way he may use her. Because the legal definition of rape turns on the notion of consent, any sexual contact with a woman too drunk to be capable of giving permission is technically a crime.”
Date rape is a dire problem which continues to grow at an alarming rate especially within the United States. Do your research and at least Google it before you come to an opinion outside of a narrow mind. This “reality” show by definition of law was showing a failed attempt at date rape on national television. The demise of our society continues as long as heartless people like Tamra and her lurking date raping song Ryan are watched mindlessly by an audience which unconsciously accepts all of their twisted evil souls in exchange for one hour of weekly “entertainment.” Yours truly included.
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kristin Reply:
January 15th, 2009 at 22:14
I agree that this was a set-up for rape–not even date rape, since Gretchen didn’t go to the party as a guest of Ryan’s. Also disturbing is Tamra’s desire to pimp her own son in order to prove a point. I was horrified by this episode. I’d really like to see some serious consequences for Tamra as a result.
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john Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 16:46
I agree
Its on tape that Gretchen was deliberately given drink after drink and this was done intentionally while everyone sat at the dinner table (along with the filming crew and producers)
And no one did anything to prevent this from happening, there is no excuse for adults to sit and have something like this unfold in front of them and do nothing to stop it from getting so out of control
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bett Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 15:56
So very true. There is some sort of wrap up show coming up and someone has to confront Tamra about this. She was evil — her manipulations were meant to harm and degrade another human being. She meant to do emotional, if not physical damage to Gretchen.
Who knows what the producers were thinking when they cast Gretchen as the girlfriend of a dying man — who knows what Gretchen was thinking accepting the spot in the show — badly done by all. But the human life that may have been the most harmed by Tamra’s horrible sceme was Jeff — a trusting man, terribly ill with cancer. We all now know Jeff eventually died, but does Tamra ever stop to think how she could have been harming an innocent man? Gretchen was foolishly young and inexperienced to believe these awful women would be her support during a stressful time in her life.
I know they spun a show off for that awful Jo and Slade — people I was certainly never interested in — perhaps Gretchen would be best served to be spun off into her own show — in fact, I have an idea — (okay so it steals from other “reality” shows) but maybe she could have a show where she picks women who could really be her friends from a pool of candidates. Even choosing “friends” from a pool of strangers, they’d have to be kinder and more supportive than the women on the housewives of OC.
Final comment — beyond ick — beyond the shivers of disgust — Tamra’s son Ryan is a weasel who MUST get out — get away and man up. There’s something wrong with that boy (despite his age, he is truly a boy). I don’t know that there is an ounce of hope that he will ever turn out to be a decent human being. I hope Tamra is doing a better job with her young daughters — think of that people — Tamra, a manipulative maniac, is mother to two daughters who will likely take after mommy. Perhaps child services should be called.
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Btw, this is from Gretchen’s blog posted today, so it’s probably not worth worrying about her:
“I know it is fun for the audience to think it is some big thing between Tamra and I, but unfortunately for the viewing audience there is no longer an issue between us. I am pretty sure Tamra feels the same way based on our recent discussions.”
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janette Reply:
January 14th, 2009 at 15:33
That was her blog from last weeks episode at the races not this weeks episode.
I am sure she will not be so amused to find out that her “friends” set up to intentionally get her naked drunk and then setting up their son to seduce her.
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fishgirl Reply:
January 14th, 2009 at 17:18
I have watched the OC version of Housewives for several years and have always found it entertaining and fairly amusing. When Tamra came on last year and repeatedly declared herself “the hottest” of the housewives, I was bemused and thought she was just vacuous. Interestingly, this season I was beginning to like her; she seemed a little more mature and although obviously jealous of Gretchen ( “hold on to your Daddies, girls”………. her competition over the pink hats) she seemed to be the most genuinely friendly, and the most “real”. Cut to last nights horrific episode. Someone earlier wrote about the fact that people, I guess like me, sat and watched this excruciating, torturous, public humiliation . Yes, I sat and watched; I couldn’t seem to look away. It is, sadly, human nature to play the voyeur while another person’s life unravels; how else do you explain this country’s obsession with celebrities ? So, yes, I watched with my jaw dropped open and my sense of dignity and fairness cringing on behalf of Gretchen.
Quite frankly, I hope Tamra’s very dignified ,and seemingly very nice, husband will respond the way he usually does (on the show) when someones’ behavior is shame- worthy. Remember, it was Simon who consistently tried to make awful Ryan shape up and have some accountability. And it was Simon who took the malicious, spiteful Vikki to task for completely humiliating her husband Donn at the racetrack. In the same way that he forced Vikki to apologize to Donn, I hope he will force Tamra to sincerely apologize to Gretchen. The problem remains for him, however, that an apology doesn’t change the inside of a person. Surely , Simon must realize that Ryan, whom he seems okay with now, but used to have nothing but disdain for, is simply a product of his mother. Tamra is insanely driven by jealousy, is apparently unbelievably insecure and just plain mean. In orchestrating Gretchen’s public display, Tamra does indeed reveal her true self. It is shocking just how ugly that true self is !She clearly demonstrates that she holds grudges, acts on her childish impulses to strike out at those she views as a threat, and desperately needs therapy. If I were in Simon’s shoes, I would be furious at her for her complete lack of class, and terrified that I had reproduced with such a toxic person. Tamra wouldn’t know class if it bit her; a point she makes obvious when she points out at the race track that the people next to them are “low class”, and the fact that she has to take etiquiette lessons in the first place. Simon was also shown in this episode informing Tamra that her confusion over left handed or right handed fork usage is simply good manners. When she sat down and demonstrated sawing up a plateful of meat, I knew that this hag had never seen the inside of a mannerly home. Her clothes, her nails , her home decor and most of all her oldest son ,scream to the world what Tamra (in spite of her marrying up and her desperate social climbing) really is.
Tamra’s lunch with Lori in last weeks’ episode was another sign; they were never close friends, she wasn’t even invited to Lori’s wedding, but greedy, grasping Tamra isn’t about to let an association with money of the type Lori married slip out of her grasp. Tamra doesn’t seem to realize that she is damned lucky to have trapped Simon; she will never have class, no matter how much money Simon provides for her.Lack of manners is however, the least of Tamra’s problems, as she so clearly outlined at her “fancy” dinner party. Just like the mean spirited, insecure, paranoid, and OCD riddled Vikki ,Tamra clearly showed viewers what type of “class” she arose from. Just as Vikki’s completely deranged (and jealous) comment about Lynn had no foundation, Tamra’s intent to destroy others reputation is a poisonous characteristic. Gretchen, whether you approve of her relationship with her fiancee or not, was at a very lonely and vulnerable time in her life. (Mcsquared needs a lesson in empathy as well, even if Gretchen over indulged at the party, in a misguided attempt to make herself “cheer up”, her “friends” should’ve treated her with kindness and black coffee instead of preying on her weakness. Also, Mcsquared, as someone pointed out above, you need to read more carefully; Gretchen’s comments that you quote were stated before she walked into Tamra’s web. I wonder about you anyway, who says other people aren’t “worth worrying about” ? Do you live next door to Vikki or Tamra ? You are not very educated about alcohol and it’s impact on people who are grieving or upset. The effect is quite different given the individual’s state of mind.)
Tamra should be ashamed of herself and quit the show. Vikki should have been gone long ago; she needs a lot of psychiatric help. Ryan is, quite obviously, just looking for an opportunity to satisfy himself at the expense of others. Tamra is trash who has depended only upon the fleeting talent she had while lying on her back in order to get ahead. She needs to take a good hard look at herself; millions of others already have.
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I found you by Googling “gretchen real housewives rape”. I am so glad someone else saw it as I did. If Gretchen was too drunk to drive, she was too drunk to consent. It amazes me how many people blogging out there think Tamra was justified-simply because Gretchen was a gold digger. This wasn’t about Gretchens past behavior, but one incident set up by Tamra. All they need to do is break open a tampon machine and start throwing them at Gretchen and we get the maliciousness of the bullying scene from Stephen King’s Carrie. I have also heard that since they are “paid actors” it is okay. I think when the door closed and Gretchen was protesting to Ryan that she was engaged to a “very nice man” -that was real.I will join you in the tarring and feathering-just let me know where to show up, ha ha!
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Last night’s episode was appalling, and has pushed me past my ability to watch this drivel any further. I agree with everything written here. . .but need to point out the irony of Tamra calling anyone a gold digger (how does she make her money?) and the fact that she wanted to show off her new, and poorly learned, etiquette lesson. . .by asking her 20 something rat-faced son to ply another human with alcohol.
Nice etiquette.
There is a saying about not being able to turn a ho into a housewife, or taking the chick out of the trailer park, but not out of the trailer that comes to mind.
These ladies, with the exception of Jeanna, continually prove the point that money does not buy class.
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Just a correction: Jeana was removing alcoholic drinks that were placed in front of Gretchen and at one point urge her to drink water. I had the impression that Jeana was not clear as to why these drinks were being placed in front of Gretchen in such numbers.
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Janette…wrong. Gretchen’s post was dated yesterday, it wasn’t there in the morning, just the afternoon. And I thought this was obvious, but this happened months ago…do you really think she’s just finding all this stuff out now?
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Fishgirl stated:
“(Mcsquared needs a lesson in empathy as well, even if Gretchen over indulged at the party, in a misguided attempt to make herself “cheer upâ€, her “friends†should’ve treated her with kindness and black coffee instead of preying on her weakness. Also, Mcsquared, as someone pointed out above, you need to read more carefully; Gretchen’s comments that you quote were stated before she walked into Tamra’s web. I wonder about you anyway, who says other people aren’t “worth worrying about†? Do you live next door to Vikki or Tamra ? You are not very educated about alcohol and it’s impact on people who are grieving or upset. The effect is quite different given the individual’s state of mind.)”
Wow so much to someone you don’t even know, making your statements look quite silly to those who do. Anyway it was posted yesterday, she had already talked about the party in a previous post (she said gee from the previews I don’t even know what will happen, wink wink). Why is it so hard to believe that she might not hate Tamra? Just because it’s so fun for you to, apparently.
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Did anyone read Brian Malerkey’s original blog. As the chef for Tamra and Simon’s dinner, his blog completely trashed them and their ethics and morals. Some of his remarks on Ryan’s disgusting behavior were left in tact. However, when Bravo noticed the harsh words (even calling Simon a “Tool”) they quickly deleted all his offensive words.
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janette Reply:
January 15th, 2009 at 23:24
They seems to have completed his (chef) entire blog.
What did he say about the dinner party.
Tamra in particular?
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janette Reply:
January 15th, 2009 at 23:25
sorry make that deleted his blog.
Can someone write what he said.
Thanks
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I was appalled at Tuesday night’s episode. I implore the Orange County Prosecutor to charge Tamara and her husband with intentionally and maliciously drugging an emotionally fragile Gretchen with alcohol and keeping her from getting a ride home so that Tamara’s predatory and sleazy son could have sex with her. The son should be facing a rape charge. The husband should immediately lose his job for using their product to engage in this unethical and immoral purpose.
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That was the most disturbing reality show I’ve ever seen. Tamra, shame on you. Ryan, you’re gross. Gretchen, these women are not your friends. They’re nasty and catty and, quite frankly, dangerous.
Other than my husband, I only told one other man I loved him. He was much older than me, and I DID love him. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to imagine that Gretchen really loves Jeff. There has to be something real there for her to have the relationships she has with his children. And, bottom line, she’s there for him. The grief, the fear and the monotony of extended illness is exhausting. It seems to me that Gretchen had had a unusually stressful day and was vulnerable. What happened to her made me sick to my stomach.
Tamra Barney is one of the most vicious women I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across.
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john Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 17:01
I am so happy that there are still so many people who have stood up, and have said how wrong this was,
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spoken like a true conservative, mcsquared. to recap: the drunk woman with a dying fiance is the one who had choices. tamra and ryan must have accidentally been serving her all those shots.
your quote does not refer to the party at all: it is specifically referencing the phone call from an ex-boyfriend of hers to tamra. why are you relating it as though it was in reference to the party? on jeana’s blog, she actually points out that no one remembered what had happened at the party because both of them were wasted. methinks that’s why neither tamra nor gretchen have commented on that episode yet.
if reality matters at all, then you’re tacitly endorsing date rape. after all, lots of people choose to drink, don’t they? and there’s really no way for any of us to know what state the cast was in at any moment. do you think bravo cared that lynne’s kids were drunk at the bowling alley? any bets as to how they got home and what their bac was? should bravo let ryan go with them next time? i can’t know what happened, but if you’re not unnerved by a woman who pimps her own son for a tv show, then that’s really all i need to know about your values, conservative or not. i just have to ask, is this the culture you want?
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BS says “spoken like a true conservative, mcsquared.”
‘kay, thanks for letting me know where *you’re* coming from @@
Why don’t you just hold Bravo’s producers responsible as well then? How about the cameramen? Wait, I think the chef should have said something…
I can’t stand when people refuse to look at responsibility to self. I saw no gun to her head. She was conscious enough at the end to tell Ryan he ‘totally turns her on’. GMAFB!!
Like I said I used to overdrink on many occasions and become real irresponsible and I never blamed the one pouring the drinks.
And since you brought up Jeana’s blog…Jeana defends Tamra, saying the editing made her look bad, and that they have all since become closer.
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Joann Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 13:58
Exactly! I am so tired of reading about Gretchen as the victim…give me a break! She’s 30 years old and if I remember correctly asked for the first shot of tequila all by herself at the bar. I’m sure she is stressed from taking care of Jeff and being in a hospital all day… so that gives her the right to disrespect him and act like a stripper at a bachelor party?? I don’t think so. Somehow I don’t think that is where I would be if my husband were dying in a hospital. She acted like a friggin pig no matter who gave her the drinks!
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john Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 17:14
When you are invited to a party, as a guest you should be treated with respect and dignity,
she is an adult yes but that does not make it ok to intentionally get her drunk.
You are not a casting member… am not certain what you would have done.
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Btw to say i endorse date rape is simply outrageous, there are certainly countless cases which demand justice. This ain’t one of them.
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look mcsquared, you were the one who came to defend the people who set out to get a girl so drunk she would do something stupid/dangerous.
that was your choice. do you not think this is exactly how most date rapes might look?
“Even if a victim of sexual assault drank alcohol or willingly took drugs, the victim is NOT at fault for being assaulted. You cannot “ask for it” or cause it to happen.”
i do hold bravo responsible. i’ve never watched that show before in my life: i saw the last four episodes on a plane and i was so horrified i wanted to do something, so i’m emailing bravo and commenting on these blogs so that they’ll know at least one of their viewers thinks this is NOT entertainment.
i presume you think it is. you did not have to tell us. you didn’t have to tell us your political beliefs. what difference should that make?
and for joan, as a married woman, i have no guarantee what i would do if i’d been caring for my dying husband for 8 months and someone got me wasted. that’s the only love i’ve ever known and it might actually break me. if you can’t understand that, then that’s your business. i only hope you never have to find out, the way this girl did.
and i doubly hope that the friends you have during that time don’t sick their man whore sons on you after they’ve set out to lower your inhibitions. there is no solidarity among women, but this is profoundly disturbing.
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There is a dangerous message being sent in this episode: get a woman drunk enough, and it’s justified, even when her judgement is impaired, to entrap her and be sexually aggressive, for entertainment purposes.
Most viewers were far from being entertained. In fact, most were horrified.
So far, Bravo has been dismissive about what disturbed viewers so much.
Yet what Bravo is telling men is that it this is acceptable behavior towards women, and to women that it’s acceptable to be treated this way by men.
Imagine this scenario playing out in any bar on a Saturday night. This is validating criminal behavior.
And to blame the victim is classic.
At this point, if anything further was done to Gretchen is a moot point, the fact is, it was already done.
Time for a boycott of Bravo advertisers.
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Psocratic Reply:
January 26th, 2009 at 16:31
i honestly quit watching anything on bravo and all reality shows after i saw this episode. whether or not ryan and tamra apologized is irrelevant to me. i can no longer bear the burden of contributing to this society’s demise by supporting a channel which has turned its head away and failed to acknowledge that it portrayed a real life rape attempt on cable television.
i tried to write a comment on bravo’s website with an intention to get them to be more proactive about openly discuss how rape is a growing problem amongst today’s society and youth. they never allowed my plea to be shown on their forum. i don’t even think that there is a resolution to all of this. with an eye painfully wide open, it honestly hurts and tortures my soul to see the digression of the world and mankind on a daily basis… where reality television was once described by my girlfriend as a time to “escape” and zone out from the daily tribulitions of real life, the real oc housewives and bravo television have both now crossed a border that needs some repercussion one way or the other.
as individuals, we all have the power to make a change.
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Every once in a while I catch this show and am usually amused. Not anymore. This was one of the most disgusting and disturbing reality episodes I’ve ever seen and I’ve watched my last episode of Housewives of any City. I’m tired of Bravo pandering for ratings and advertising. Tamra may now know which fork to use, but you can’t buy class or ethics. The most disturbing part is that she would set her son up for rape charges and forget the rape charges, how about murder charges if Gretchen had decided to get behind the wheel of a car or died of alcohol poisoning. I do so hope that Tamra and that weasel faced child of hers are charged by the AGs office and I hope Vikki is charged as an accessory. I’ve liked Jeanna and frankly she’s been the only reason I could put up with Vikki’s annoying woohoo banshee, husband bashing behavior, but not even Jeanna can get me to watch this drivel for one more episode.
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BS (good name) I did not come out here to defend any of the HW twits, nice way of twisting it though. I was saying self-responsibility for an adult woman means something. You seem to believe she had no choice in anything all evening. I’d say *that’s* what’s disturbing.
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john wrote: “When you are invited to a party, as a guest you should be treated with respect and dignity”
Err…you do watch the same show as us, right?
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Rosie Reply:
January 19th, 2009 at 02:33
ha, ha… I know this is real housewives of orange county, but yes, in theory, a formal dinner party is a place where a guest is invited and feels welcomed and safe. Of course, in reality, this is The Real Housewives of Orange County, so no, obviously, this entire episode was a train wreck , a sort of murphy’s law at a dinner party!
I completely understand the people who feel Gretchen is being absolved of any accountability . I believed she was partly victimized only because everyone was sent home, and she had to stay with Tamra and her haul of white trash clan. If noone else is around you except for the person plotting your demise and her leering perveted offspring, then believe me, you are a victim then. However, She is a big girl, and she decided she wanted to get drunk. My assumption is that even before she stepped foot in the door of Tamra’s house, she knew she was going to get wasted. A little%2
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mcsquared, this is exactly what you said:
“but your continual use of the phrase “plying her with alcohol†bugs me. Gretchen’s an adult, she chose to drink too much. I used to do that a lot and I never blamed anyone pouring the drinks”
the law disagrees. do you think alcohol doesn’t change your behavior? do you think it should be legal to drink and drive? your position is totally divorced from reality.
even just considering the reality the show presented, did you ever go to a party where people set out to destroy your life?
self responsibility does mean something to me, and i won’t defend this program. that was your choice.
seriously, you’re disturbed that we don’t think drunk women should be taken advantage of? these are your values. you’ve told us over and over. thanks for your honesty.
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[...] Real Housewives of Orange County: Tamra’s Dinner Party and the Scheme to Humiliate Gretchen [...]
I can’t believe how MEAN all you gals have been to the new gal on the show, Lynn I think her name is. How can you all be so shallow. I’m appauled at all of your behavior. I think you all need to start checking yourselves before you open your mouths. It’s frankly, embarrasing to see grown women with children who treat another women/mother in the way you do her Shame on you!!! I now know why Lauri left at least this HAD to be another factor in her decision to not be on the show. Try a little kindness ladies.
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[...] Real Housewives of Orange County: Tamra’s Dinner Party and the Scheme to Humiliate Gretchen [...]
I watched the new show last nite, Jan 27th. I was more than appaulled at the sheer lack of disrespect Shane and Codin (or whatever the heck his name is) have to their mother, Jeanna. Those boys need to seek help. I can only imagine how they treat their girlfriends if they even get the chance to form a relationship. Who in their right mind would put up with being talked to like that. Jeanna!!! YOU need to start taking charge and calling those boys on their ill behavior!! Quit making excuses for them. I don’t care if their role model of a father treated you in this manner, YOU chose to stay and tolerate that behavior. Doesn’t mean the boys should talk to their mother in that way. I agree with Vicki for once, he needs to be slapped across the face for that mouth of his. It upset me that it was even allowed to be viewed on TV, it was really pathetic to watch you Jeanna sit there and take that kind of abuse.
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Tamra is a evil woman…if a woman is what she is even truely deserved to be called !….Tamra should be ashamed of herself and the way she treated Gretchen on the show !….Gretchen seems like a good girl with a lot of love in her jheart for others !….SHAME ON YOU TAMRA !….how can u treat another person they way you did Gretchen??????….Just remember …WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, TAMRA !!!!!!!
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These clearly uneducated women are always putting their elbows on the table, scaping the fork off their teeth, pulling their hair out of their face with their dinner knives, waving their utensils around when they talk. It’s disgusting and it is no wonder that their children are disrespectful to them and everyone else. In addition to all the other immature behaviour they exhibit, what’s to respect?
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You know, after watching these women you can quickly figure out what they are truly made of: plastic& botox lol. In regards to Tamra, wow, thats one dysfunctional woman! Thats all I could say when I saw how her hatred grew on camera towards Gretchen. I knew the ladies were going to hate on her the first time they met her, but my lord, Tamra took it entirely way too far! Too bad for Tamra and Gretchen showing their asses on national TV, really. Gretchen is a grown woman and has learned a huge lesson at that. Tamra on the other hand, she needs to slow down and look at herself in the mirror. Whats sad is , these are the biggest problems they could ever endure……getting “wasted” at their wealthy mansion dinner parties and backstabbing for fun?! They are loaded, you know, and really don’t give a flying f*** what people think of them so this blog only boosts their egos even more. Just hope Tamra doesn’t mess with the wrong person in her future because that victim may not be as nice a Gretchen was. Sorry for your loss Gretchen.
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[...] is “I am the hottest housewife” Tamra Barney. In January we wrote about the infamous Tamra Barney party where Tamra admitted to Vicki that she was going to get Gretchen “naked wasted drunk” [...]