China: Beijing’s Fine Dining and Penis Emporium
Beijing, China
We ran across a superb account of dining in China at a “specialist penis and testicle emporium”.
From the book, The Danger Zone, author Stefan Gates gives a sublimely hysterical and all “too accurate” account of dining in Beijing at the Guo-li-zhuang restaurant whose specialty is penises.
The place looks like a smart kaiseki ryori (Japanese haute cuisine) formal restaurant, complete with underfloor stream, separate secluded dining rooms and hushed, discreet staff. I have come determined to avoid euphemisms – we’re making a current-affairs programme for the BBC – but I’ll admit the temptation is strong.
Gates goes on to describe in step-by-agonizing-step the meal he’s ordered, how it’s prepared, the patrons, Communist Party officials and wealthy businessmen whom he says are “one in the same”.
I ask a chef to show us the preparation of a penis first, so that I can get a feel for the process. He enters holding aloft an eye-wateringly large yak’s knob. It’s about 45cm long, but thin, so thin. It’s been boiled gently and – I can’t believe I’m writing this – peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end. He cuts the thing in half lengthways with a pair of scissors.
Gates’ eye for detail, after all how many people can sit through a meal of being offered dog penis, “the only one with a bone it” while being served with a glace’ cherry “placed pointlessly on the tip” while asking the manager if the penis menu was “good communist food?”
Gate’s puts the reader right alongside for the ride:
She seems pleased, and pours me some deer-penis juice, which I’m delighted to say is the vilest concoction I’ve ever had the privilege to imbibe. It’s as sour as a smacked lemon and as bitter as neat quinine. My face freezes in an agonising spasm, and Lord knows how I manage to keep from throwing up. Mr Hoo, the driver, asks if I want any more, and when I shake my spasming head, he grins and downs it in one. I pity Mrs Hoo – she’s going to have a busy night.
A delightful, informative, surreal, and insanely funny read.
By LBG
Source – Times Online
Image – Beijing
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Also posted at DBKP at Blogger.
[...] The Cult of Qelqoth wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptBeijing, China We ran across a superb account of dining in China at a “specialist penis and testicle emporiumâ€. From the book, The Danger Zone, author Stefan Gates gives a sublimely hysterical and all “too accurate†account of dining in Beijing at the Guo-li-zhuang restaurant whose specialty is penises. The place looks like a smart kaiseki ryori (Japanese haute cuisine) formal restaurant, complete with underfloor stream, separate secluded dining rooms and hushed, discreet staff. I have come [...]
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